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Kobolds
Kobolds '''are weak, craven lizard-people who seethe with a festering resentment toward the rest of the world. In the context of this campaign, kobolds are known to be absolutely dedicated to fitness and are generally depicted as being jacked. Kobolds are smarter and savvier than Bullywugs but they aren't as hearty. They struggle to see during the day and they are described as being "Bipedaled little dragon rats" and are usually found with Tim Horton's doughnuts and coffee plus they are normally naked. The Kobolds have bad dental hygiene and they sleep in pelts and haystacks. Some kobolds are born with leathery wings and act as scouts, one coy winged Kobold convinces the Bullywug King to touch a cursed sword. Role in the Story Before our heroes arrived some lowly Kobolds served Shadowfang in return for weaponry, one example of this was when they stole Ole' Betsy from rusty when they were robbing the Village of Moonstone of prized possessions. The Band of Boobs encounters kobolds during the Moonstone Saga. The bullywugs traded the green teens to the kobolds in exchange for crossbows and longswords. The kobolds, led by the sorcerous, eight-packed Porn in a blood-red cape, were planning to sacrifice the teens in a dark ritual in the Sunken Keep, but were interrupted and eventually wiped out by the trio of heroes. The kobolds nearly prevailed, but Hardwon Surefoot survived just long enough to revive his fallen companions and save the day. Lil the Kobold Lil the Kobold was holding hands in the middle with her two brothers both named Bill, whom she was very attached to. Moonshine screamed, "Fuck Lil" whilst maliciously crackling. Subsequently, Beverly smashed down on the poor Lil amputating both his arms in a pool of blood breaking her hands but more importantly breaking the handhold, leaving the two Bills to be destroyed emotion and disengaged full-on jumping off the tower in the keep into the water. Later Bill is stabbed by Josh Flat ass Kobold This beefy Kobold was guarding, with his plumped-cheeked friend, Josh on the right welding shields and little swords, the front entrance of the castle. The rest of the Kobolds are hiding under tables with Bullywugsat the back of the Sunken Keep. Unbenowst to these two dragons rats their every move was being watched by a giant wolf spider. Suddenly an ice dagger smashes above the Flat ass Kobold's shoulder splintering ice bits pierce their skin, then an axe clangs over Josh's head. Before they can react a javelin penetrates through Josh's ass. They both scream and shout "They're behind us! They're behind us!", a large splash can be heard as Moonshine Cybin rushes at the Flat ass Kobold slashing at him, whipping toxic spores over his face. The flat ass Kobold blindly lashes at Moonshine saying "Ugh! What the f*ck!", hitting her in the leg. Josh disengages and runs into the Sunken keep loudly exclaiming "Everybody! They're in the front! They're in the front!". As the Flat ass Kobold goes to raise his shield against Moonshine, he sees her eyes looking to the right. He swiftly turns right to see a monstrous man three times the size of him have a giant-great axe overhead. The flat ass kobold gulps and boldly says "You don't have shit on me man..I do squats all the time I swear to god, I don't just do curls... I don't just do curls!". Hardwon unphased brings his mighty axe down explaining "You can't skip leg day Bitch!" and like a watermelon, Hardwon obliterates part of the Kobold's head, one of his eyes pops out, similar to that of a squishy toy. The now delirious, barely alive Kobold sputtering blood struggles to let out "Fuck you, bro, I'm going to kick your fucking ass" gets grabbed at the large wound on his head by a wide-eyed halfing boy. Beverly creeply says "What you're going to do is, walk out there and tell them everything is okay, and if you don't there's going to be a javelin through your throat in three seconds... Have a nice day" proceeding to lick the end of his javelin. This shakes the Kobold to core. Feeling a javelin to his beautiful glute, the Flat ass Kobold interrupts several kobolds trying to get into the door and meekly says "Stop guys, stop guys it's actually... erh... everythings, all good out here". Josh replies "The f*ck are you talking about, I saw three people back there" the flat ass follows "No man... everything fine. The Kobold waving side to side from blood loss falls forward into the door but Beverly presumes he's trying to escape immediately ramming his sword into the back of his leg plunging it into every nerve and artery. Blood spills out at an alarming rate with the screaming Kobold collapsing onto his side. As he's taking his final breathes he feels hardwon's step with his massive foot on the side of his head, it gets heavier and heavier until his head pops like a tomato exploding out and caved in. Bill & Phill the Kobolds When last kobolds standing were Josh, '''Phil, and Bill. They were attempting to hold off the heroes behind a thick door when Hardwon offered to spare Josh if he murdered his two companions. Josh agreed to the offer with concerning haste, asking them to look away blissfully unaware that Josh would stab them both in the back screaming "I'm so sorry!". Billis the same Kobold that lost his sister while holding hands. Members * Porn (Deceased) * Josh (Deceased) ** Bill (Deceased) ** Phil (Deceased) * Lil (Deceased) * Flat ass Kobold (Deceased) list of the other 15 unnamed Kobold deaths in order (All Deceased) **Three are killed when Moonshine casts a thunderstorm into the unlit pyre **One was cut down by Beverly **Another is stabbed in the gut by Moonshine's scimitar **Toxic spores are speared into a Kobold's mouth, causing his stomach to burst out **Hardwon throws a throwing axe at the back of one's head, taking teeth with it as it splits it in two **A dragon rat is stabbed in the back whilst wrestling Moonshine, cutting of the nervous system. Instant death **Alternatively, this time Hardwon throws a throwing axe into a Kobold's teeth and out the other side **Hardwon delivers a throwing axe through a Kobold's face **One crazy Kobold decides to suicide-dive of off the tower onto Moonshine, dying in agony whilst regretting his decision. **Tremors falls and cracks skull million-dollar baby style **Spored to death **A flying Kobold is skewered in mid-air by a flying Beverly, thrown by Hardwon **Receives a toxic spore slap Lil had two brothers named Bill, one of them is stabbed by Josh but the other is assumed to have survived. He may have been one of the unnamed dead. Famous Quotes Josh says this just as he deserts his duty leaving the Flat as Kobold to die saying inside the keep, stuffing his mouth full of Tim Horten doughnuts "Dude, we have to carb up before the fight" The flying Kobold says this before he gets kebabbed by Beverly "Killed by an airborne enemy, how ironic" Hardwon overhears the Kobolds singing little Kobold songs "Kobold! Kobold!... Were gonna sacrifice some kids! Der da da ta da Kobold! Josh raises his fists for fistbumps after the heroes spare him saying "Alright guys! pound it up.. Pound it up!" Category:Races and Creatures Category:Kobolds